Advice to Prospective Foster Parents

When you start talking about becoming a foster parent, you will get a lot of advice, people naturally want to share what they think would be best for your family. You will also notice things in the media about foster care. You will hear stories about things that worked and things that didn’t; usually about things that didn’t. After all, it’s much more interesting to talk about the sensational stuff.

I guess I am no different.  I have to give my opinion also. So here it is: my best advice is don’t let anyone else define your journey with foster care. You will have people tell you that you should do this, you shouldn’t do that. Some say that you should make sure and keep birth order. They’ll tell you not to take on children older than your own. Others will tell you that if you bring a child who is ethnically different than you, that you should make sure that you bring in more than one, so they’ll feel normal. The list goes on and on.

My advice is to stop listening to all that and find out for yourself what is right for your family. Don’t let others dictate to you what your family should look like or what your expectations should be as you look to add to your family through foster care.

When I first became a foster parent, I was influenced by the media and the myths that surround foster care. I was certain that if I took in teenagers, that my younger children would be hurt. After several years of fostering and a couple of adoptions, we decided that we were ready to open up our home to any age and just see what comes. I cannot express how grateful I am that we did.

Brandon came to our home at age 13. He’d had a childhood filled with transition and change, but that’s not what I want to focus on. Instead I want to tell you what he brought to our family. When Brandon came, he was instantly our oldest. The other kids were ages 2, 5, 7 and 10. Fast forward 5 years. That’s right, Brandon stayed with us for 5 years. He was my test pilot.  With him I learned to navigate the Junior High, then High School. I got to experience teaching a teen to drive. I got to help him prepare for his first date.  I was privileged to see him get baptized and make spiritual choices for himself. Yesterday I watched as he opened a letter calling him to serve a mission for his church.

Through it all I got to spend time with this awesome kid. He is sensitive, kind and gentle. He is an example of someone who can’t see another person in distress without wanting to help.  He is loyal to friends and family. He is a protector. He is a brother to the younger kids. They love him and can’t imagine life without him. Though he is not legally adopted, he will be a part of our family and our lives forever and we will be better off because of him.

I will be forever grateful that my husband and I decided what would work for our family rather than listening to outside opinions of how families should function. When we become foster parents, we don’t do it for ourselves. We do it to make a difference in the lives of children. The awesome thing is that these kids aren't the only ones who benefit. I have been forever changed by each of the children that have been in my home. Each has left a stamp on my heart.

It will happen to you too. Don’t miss out on amazing experiences because someone else has an opinion about how your family should be. You know what will work for your family. You know what you can handle. Don’t let society make you doubt that. Do what is right for your family, whatever that may be.